J'ai tout ce qu'on rêverait d'avoir
by Republic of Yolossia
Summary: Skint student Shiro signs up to a Sugar Daddy finder. Ironically, of course.
1. Chapter 1

_I can't believe I never uploaded this here! I mean, mostly out of shame, but this fic does make me giggle stupidly as I write it. Also sorry for the lack of updating on all my fics. Uni, mental health etc etc._

 _I don't even know how to explain this. Ever start writing something for a laugh then get weirdly invested in the characters and their backstory?_

 _Also I fucking love Shiro x Coran ironically fite me._

 _Also, should I add smut? Even if I don't, warning for adult humour._

* * *

He was doing this ironically, Shiro told himself.

He'd made one damn joke to Matt and in the one hour he'd set aside to take a nap, had been inundated with… websites. Websites he hadn't even known existed, let alone been aware of how abundant they were. Thanks, Matt. He was now a little less innocent. And had a little less faith in humanity.

In all honesty, Shiro should probably just message Matt back telling him to fuck off and get back to his assignment. Or do a late night food shop. Or do literally anything that wasn't browsing sugar daddy websites. But his body was on autopilot and he probably couldn't stop himself if he tried.

He didn't _actually_ want a sugar daddy, right? It had been a joke! He'd just wanted to vent his frustrations at having yet another asshole treat him like an intruding bug at work because God dammit it wasn't his fault if a meal wasn't up to the customers' standards, or was taking too long. Did he look like some verbal punching bag or something?

Also he was doing his masters degree now, and accumulating more debt than he knew what to do with. He wasn't sure he could pole dance with one arm either.

Could he actually get a sugar daddy to agree to pay off his tuition fees? Or at the very least his maintenance loans and groceries.

No because he wasn't actually after a sugar daddy!

Most of these websites only accepted female sugar babies anyway. He did find a few that he could join, but for the love of all things good in the world he wasn't about to for real.

Shiro leaned back in his desk chair, imagining, just for a moment, what it would be like to have a sugar daddy. Horrible. It would be utterly horrible. The image of him wheeling some 90 year old around Abercrombie and Fitch then having lunch at some overpriced boutique restaurant whilst everyone glared at him judgementally because they would all know what the fuck was up was not a pleasant one. And then they'd go back to his penthouse apartment overlooking the Thames and-

Shiro thought he would throw up.

This was a terrible idea.

Thankfully, his phone beeped and gave him an opportunity to think of something else for a second, even if it was his best friend's lazy ass messaging him on discord from the next room.

 **DankMattMatt** : Yo you check out those links yet?

Shiro scowled at his screen.

 **DankMattMatt** : Reply, coward.

Shiro decided to not do that. Five minutes of staring at the login screen of one of those websites he was not going to join later, and Matt had something else to say.

 **DankMattMatt** : oh MY GOD ARE YOU SIGNING UP TO THEM?

 **Shirohfuck** : nOOOOOOO

 **DankMattMatt** : you aRE!

He wasn't! He swore it!

 **Shirohfuck** : Yes but ironically?

 **DankMattMatt** : ironic sugar daddy?

 **Shirohfuck** : yeh

 **DankMattMatt** : moronic sugar baby

 **Shirohfuck** : No.

 **Shirohfuck** : I can't think of a good username?

Unsurprisingly, his mind was devoid of any intelligent thought as he told himself over and over again he was mostly curious about what the website looked like once you were set up on it, how it worked and what sort of questions he would be asked.

And maybe to see if there were some guys on there that didn't look one shag away from a heart attack.

 **DankMattMatt** : hmm

 **DankMattMatt** : How about Takashi_Shirogains

 **DankMattMatt** : because you're always at the gym working on your gains?

Shiro snorted. The last person who should be talking about gains was Matthew Holt.

 **Shirohfuck** : that's the worst thing I've ever heard

 **Shirohfuck** : I love it!

 **Shirohfuck** : I'm not always at the gym though? Just when I need to de-stress.

 **DankMattMatt** : So all the time?

 _Fuck you, Matt._

Shiro ignored him and typed in his new, terrible, username. It didn't matter, really. He was just here to have a look around, and see just what kind of people signed up to this and what kind of messages he'd get.

He was a man of science, and therefore curiosity only came naturally to him.

 **DankMattMatt** : oooh, I got it!

 **DankMattMatt** : fifty-shades-of-shirogrey

 **Shirohfuck** : NO!

The next page seemed to relate to the bulk of his profile, either what people could see or what the site would base his matches on. He didn't fucking know. It also looked longer than some of his assignments.

 **Shirohfuck** : holy fuck that's a lotta questions

 **DankMattMatt** : bring your laptop out here dude I need to see this

Shiro sighed, scooped up his laptop and downed the last of his beer. The idea of signing up to a dating site for a laugh with Matt didn't seem so bad. He'd probably liveblog it which technically counted as writing down their findings, and therefore it was an experiment, not anything else. For science!

When he trudged into the living room of their flat he found Matt still working on his drinks cans Christmas tree, a weird tradition they'd had since they'd been freshers, because Matt saw someone do it on the internet and therefore needed to try it himself, the walking meme.

Oh well, saved on buying an actual Christmas tree.

Shiro wondered whether they'd bother buying real decorations this year or, like always, just balance Matt's pokemon toys and alien waifu figurines on it again. Probably the latter. Who said a Japanese guy and a weeb couldn't be best friends?

Whilst Matt was occupied with sellotaping energy drinks and beer cans together, their other flatmate, Sabhajit 'Slav' Pawar was typing away at a laptop, probably doing something more productive than signing up to - thanks, Matt.

"Oy, sugar pup," Matt drawled, pulling tape out of his hair, "while you're up, grab that bottle of Absolute in the cupboard and two shot glasses – wait, Slav?"

"Wot?"

"Wanna watch Shiro sign up to a sugar daddy finder?"

Slav raised an eyebrow at Shiro, who flushed an ugly shade of maroon and buried his face in the kitchen cupboard.

"You know that there's a 38% chance this is the reality where I fail to hand in my assessment on time?" He did seem to be looking over with interest though.

"Those are pretty good odds," Matt reasoned, "and besides, how often do you get to see Shiro try and pull creepy old men?"

"Oh, next to zero." Slav nodded, but he still looked unsure. Matt groaned.

"Just bring your work over here. And Shiro? Make that three shot glasses."

"I'll definitely be needing it," Shiro placed the vodka on the coffee table, sweeping empty cans onto the floor and ignoring Matt's protesting.

"So, if it works out for you, should we all think about signing up?" asked Slav, settling down on Shiro's other side, just to make sure he was sandwiched between the two terrible enablers.

"You're dating my brother," Shiro reminded him, "you're not allowed."

"Well I'm gonna," said Matt, "unless, you know, it doesn't work out for you Shiro. Our pioneer. Boldly going where no Holt or Pawar has gone before. Or at least I hope my sister has never been on these sites."

"Thanks," Shiro scoffed, then his smile fell; "I kinda feel bad, you know? I don't wanna catfish people."

"You're not catfishing anyone," exclaimed Matt, "we're literally filling in your profile honestly!"

Shiro chewed his lip. "But what if someone sees my profile and falls in love with me? And I'm just doing it for a laugh."

Matt rolled his eyes. "Yeah I don't think it's that kind of website. Slav?"

"Yeah?"

"What's the chance of Shiro meeting his soulmate on here?"

"Zero point five percent."

Matt grinned. "See? Now, what profile picture should you use?"

They soon decided a selfie Shiro took on a lads holiday to Ibiza last year really fit the bill, given that he was shirtless and at the beach. It screamed 'I suit luxury, please pamper me'.

"Don't worry," Matt assured him, "you're the best-looking guy I've seen. Ever."

"And with this picture showing off how strong you are," added Slav, "there is an 80% chance you'll find a millionaire willing to date you within seconds."

Shiro wasn't so sure. "Guys, d'you think a picture without my prosthetic would be better? What if it puts people off?" That being said, why the fuck did he care?

"Shiro," Matt placed a hand on either side of his face, "I'm gonna be honest with you: if someone has a problem with your prosthetic, they're not worth your time. Like, even if they're millionaires, don't bother. They're scum and you don't need them in your life."

Shiro stared straight into Matt's eyes, at his steely determination, and nodded. "You're right, bro."

"I know I'm right! And besides," added Matt with a wink, "there are probably people into prosthetic limbs. Like, I bet there's websites and everything."

 _How in the fuck_ – Shiro was speechless. He wasn't sure he wanted to know further.

"Well that's a load of shit," he mumbled, turning back to his profile.

"I'm fairly certain it's what Slav has," commented Matt.

"I just think his arm is cool!" Slav cried, a little too defensively. Shiro wondered if he was qualified to launch himself into space yet.

"Whatever," he grumbled, "I'll just keep the picture." He still had a lot of bullshit questions to get through before he could start nosing at other people's profiles.

"What's next?" asked Matt.

"Age, location, simple enough." Financial information? He chuckled at that. "Where's the 'broke as shit' option?"

"Just pick the lowest bracket I guess," offered Matt. "Minimal, yeah that sounds about right. Hmm, build?"

"Is there a 'sculpted' option?" asked Slav. Shiro snorted.

"Athletic, buddy." He clicked the box, hoping the profile pic suggested as such; he'd been on some strong cocktails and doner kebabs for the entire week. "I need a heading, apparently, like a title?"

"Space daddy," said Matt immediately.

"I'm looking for a daddy, genius," Shiro's face fell; "I don't actually have to call them 'daddy', do I?" A couple of his exes had taken to calling him that and he'd soon acquired a slight distaste for the word.

"Space puppy?"

"Why do you keep calling me that? Pup?"

Matt scoffed. "Don't you even know sugar bowl terms? A sugar pup is a male sugar baby. So you, now."

"I wouldn't call myself one yet," Shiro groaned, "the profile's not complete. There's still an opportunity for me to pull out."

"Oh I think there'll be a few opportunities for you to pull out," Matt commented, then, when Shiro groaned and cradled his face in his hands, slung an arm over his shoulder, "you kinda walked into that one, buddy."

"I know and I hate it."

The three soon decided 'lost space boy' was probably a better header.

"Hey you can add more photos," Slav commented.

"Nice, I guess." And so Shiro wasted another five minutes trying to decide which photos made him look the most athletic, and handsome. He wanted a wide range of messages, after all, to collect the best data. Science!

"I don't have children," he said aloud when they reached the next page, "unless we count you too."

"Please don't," whined Matt, "we've both hit on you – that's weird!"

"Now you know how I've felt for the past half hour."

"Smoke?"

"Nah."

"Drink?"

"Yes please." Shiro took another shot before checking the 'casual drinker' box. Matt and Slav just judged him silently. Shiro ignored them, filling in his education level instead.

"Oh, an 'about me'. How fun." Shiro never knew how to fill out those damned things, but with the help of his two terrible friends, he managed to cobble together a not-totally-terrible description of himself.

 _Hi, I'm Takashi Shirogane, and I'm a 25 (well, 6 if you only count leap years) y/o postgrad student studying astrophysics. I'd love to become an astronaut one day, or failing that help launch astronauts into the void._

 _In my spare time, I can usually be found at the gym, or exploring the city. I'm particularly fond of the science museum! I'm a hard worker, and my idea of fun is a well-earned rest, or reading a good book. I like my alone time, but I also value strong friendships with my wonderful bros. So even if we don't hit it off romantically, we can always maintain a friendship!_

And now to tell the potentials what he was actually looking for in them.

"Money," said Matt firmly.

"You can't put that," argued Slav, "you have to beat around the bush!"

"I know, damn."

Shiro ignored them, wondering just what he'd want if he was being serious about this, and began to type.

 _What I'm looking for is someone to have deep conversations with, someone who will make me feel special and cared for. I don't want a walking credit card, but someone I can have a fun, adult relationship with. Someone with similar interests would be a bonus too! Not looking for short term or FWB, sorry._

"Not bad," Matt gave a whistle as Shiro added a few tags, and that was it. Profile complete.

"Well now what?" asked Slav after ten seconds of silence.

"We wait for the daddies to roll in, duh," Matt rolled his eyes, though Shiro had to wonder how long that would take.

"Oh wait," he muttered, leaning closer, "my profile hasn't been activated yet. They have to check all my information, I guess." And with that thought in mind, the trio dispersed. Shiro made his way into the kitchen, Matt promising to call him if he got any messages, and threw a prawn tikka masala in the microwave. Slav was finally released from his curiosity hostage situation long enough to continue his assessment.

Dinner made – at 1 in the morning – Shiro settled down to have a browse whilst he waited. Apparently, he could make a Wishlist of things he wanted to be bought, but decided against it, much to Matt's protesting that he needed a new laptop. Shiro told him to go back to his Christmas tree of disappointment.

A two hour nap later, and Shiro had ten messages.

The first message was asking for nudes. The second wanted pictures of his feet, of all things. Shiro decided not to reply to either.

Shiro, Matt and Slav amused themselves by taking turns to do dramatic readings of increasingly creepy messages until they were blushing up to the ears. This continued with each new message, until they got to one that wasn't as awful. Thankfully.

 **CoranCoranGorgeousMan** : I'm attracted to you like the Earth is attracted to the Sun-with a large force inversely proportional to the distance squared

 **CoranCoranGorgeousMan** : I'm also a fan of your muscles!

 **CoranCoranGorgeousMan** : I don't know why I said that

 **CoranCoranGorgeousMan** : both those things, really!

 **CoranCoranGorgeousMan** : I'm so sorry!

"Fuck that's actually sweet," Matt commented.

"Yeah, he seems nice! Or shy, at least." At last, someone he would actually like to message back.

"Might want to tell him you're not mad then," said Slav, "before he completely has a breakdown."

"Oh, right."

 **Takashi_Shirogains** : Hey dude don't worry!

 **Takashi_Shirogains** : Honestly this is the sweetest message I've gotten yet?

"Should I send him a silly chat up line back?" he asked.

"Go for it!"

 **Takashi_Shirogains** : Every time i look at you i feel like an astronaut...your beauty makes me float.

 **CoranCoranGorgeousMan** : ! aww!

"I should probably check what he looks like," Shiro commented, hurriedly clicking on this strange man's profile. Hopefully this guy wasn't a munter, or old as fuck. There had been a tiny profile pic, yes, but hardly visible, just an orange blur. Like Garfield's pubes or something.

Now he could see quite the collection of photos.

"That's… that's a pretty big moustache," Matt noted.

It was. It nearly covered his mouth, bright ginger to match his hair. There were two other things Shiro noted immediately, the first one being his love of brightly-coloured shirts – sequins, swirls, the lot. The second one was that his smile: no matter what picture he was in, he always had the goofiest but kindest smile Shiro had ever seen. It certainly put him at ease.

"Could you fucking imagine that thing tickling your balls," exclaimed Matt, still on the moustache, apparently.

Slav gave a whine. "Matt, please!"

"Oh yeah! I'm sure your boyfriend knows all about that."

Shiro mimed throwing up whilst Slav scratched at his patchy beard and moustache. "That's my actual brother you're talking about!"

"45 years old," Matt commented, ignoring them, "could be worse."

"Yeah at least he's not 70," agreed Shiro. He wasn't that bad looking either. Yes, the moustache was ridiculous and he was somewhat older, but there was something charming about him, charmingly handsome, even. He looked like he'd be equally able to provide a good joke and the exact comforting comment you needed to hear.

"Even his name is eccentric," said Slav, "Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe. Who has four names? Especially ones like those."

"I've never met a 'Coran' in my life," Matt added, "didn't even know it was a name; thought it was a book, to be honest. Then again, if my parents named me that I'd probably end up being a little eccentric."

Shiro just stared at the photos. Everything about this man was batcrap insane and, for some reason, he absolutely loved it. Maybe he just gravitated towards weirdos, but he wasn't complaining.

"Dude he's fucking loaded!" cried Matt, jostling his shoulder and pointing at Coran's earnings, or what he claimed were his earnings. Shiro tore his eyes away from Coran and his garish shirts to actually study his profile.

Okay, he was a casual drinker too, interested in men, didn't smoke. Under number of children he'd put 'prefer not to say'. Shiro wondered what that meant. Did he have like ten?

"Woah, he's a CEO of his own company," he commented, "congratulations to him, I guess."

Matt looked at him curiously. "A little infatuated, are we?"

"He seems nice," Shiro reasoned.

"Yes but what has he put about himself?" asked Slav, scrolling down.

Matt snorted. "So what's the probability of this guy being a serial killer?"

"Five percent."

"I'd risk it. For that money."

"Did either of you see he was a widower?" asked Shiro with a pang. Poor guy. How did he even bring that up in conversation? Well, not right now, for starters.

"What if he murdered his husband?" asked Matt. Slav looked at him in horror.

"You can't say that! That's horrible!"

"It might be true!"

"It's highly unlikely!"

Shiro just busied himself with reading Coran's profile and holy fuck did it confirm the man was the strangest human being on the planet.

 _Erm, hello there, weary internet traveller! I, Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe, would like to welcome you to my dating page! I hope you find out what you need to know here, but to help, let me tell you a little about myself. I must say, it is quite the saga! I shall try not to tell every story here though, or we'll have nothing to talk about ourselves!_

 _Forty five years ago, on quite the historic day, I was born in Wellington, New Zealand, with a dream. Although, I probably didn't have this dream as a baby, I probably dreamt about shitting myself and drinking milk. Anyway! The dream was education! As a boy, I was fascinated by the world around me, and beyond. My interests were varied, but all relating to science. Then again, I suppose everything relates to science, in a way. I kept a collection of crystals and interesting rocks, whilst simultaneously looking to the stars with my little telescope. I also had a collection of fossils I'd found, and it was safe to say my parents were probably a little relieved when I packed my bags and went off to university!_

 _It was there that I studied astrophysics whilst maintaining a love of drama and the arts, naturally. In my time I've travelled to the US to work with NASA before settling down in the UK, where I remain to this day. Not counting holidays and business trips, I suppose._

 _I am now the CEO of New Horizons, a company that makes science kits and equipment for the curious child!_

 _It has not been an easy climb to the top, and I've had to deal with everything up to fighting a bear! Yeah, I don't live in the US anymore for a reason. I also had some trouble with a shark on holiday to Australia once and it didn't end well. For the fucking shark! Shame, really, I hate hurting animals but you must do what you must in the name of self-defence, right?_

 _I would say I was closest to my grandfather as a boy, and he taught me all he knew about geology! And everything, really._

 _As well as science, my hobbies include museums, watching plays, writing screenplays, water skiing, butterfly collecting, yodelling, flying, engineering and dance. I also love spending time at the beach!_

 _I speak various dialects of English, as well as Māori, French and Mandarin, and apparently, I can do quite a convincing range of accents! I also love learning new languages, so if you speak a language I do not, never fret! I will soon learn it for you, my future dear!_

 _I'll also just say it right fucking now: I will drink you under the table!_

 _My favourite colour is baby blue and my favourite films are 'what we do in the shadows' and 'hunt for the wilderpeople'. I listen to anything really, though I prefer classical and jazz. I have heard some of your young people music, though, and I must say I'm fucking impressed!_

 _Oh fuck, it seems I'm running out of characters. Well, I hope that was enough to glean something of my personality._

 _Cheerio!_

"I love him," Matt muttered, "like, I wish he was my uncle or something. Or even just a guy I could go on the piss with. I'd probably end up dead but it'd still be the best night of my life!"

"I want to listen to all these stories of his," said Slav, "he's probably a genius!"

"Not as big a genius as you though," said Matt, "is there anything you don't know?"

"How to be emotionally stable?"

"Dude, same."

"I'm speechless," muttered Shiro, silencing them both. This couldn't be a real person, surely. His mind seemed incapable of working after reading about Coran's life, and yet, he was pretty sure he'd be willing to believe it all.

Also, pray tell, what the _fuck_ Coran?

"What does he want though?" asked Slav, "what is he looking for in a person?"

"Himself, probably," Matt smirked. Shiro ignored him, and read on.

 _I suppose what I want in a romantic partner is romance, plain and simple - a deep bond and something long term. If that sounds intimidating, I'm sorry and I hope you find someone more to your tastes!_

 _I can be incredibly doting, I promise, but I guess I also want long conversations about science and our lives too. I also would like someone not opposed to more cultural days out, though I'm open to fun of a more simplistic nature too!_

"He means fucking," said Matt.

Shiro rolled his eyes. "Or going to a club, maybe?"

 _I'm also partial to discussions regarding conspiracy theories, and am always interested to know which ones you believe, and which you find completely ridiculous. If you have any experiences with aliens, I'd love to hear all about them too!_

"Shiro, run. He's probably part of a cult." Matt's jaw had almost hit the floor by now.

"I think he sounds interesting," Slav sniffed. He, for one, loved a good conspiracy theory, and was certain this was the reality where alien invasion was inevitable.

 _I don't want to dwell on the physical, but I do have a thing for muscles!_

"He's your soulmate," said Matt with such determination that Shiro couldn't tell if he was joking or not.

"He is brilliant," he reasoned.

"Why don't you message him back then?" asked Slav.

Fuck. He'd forgotten about that little message notification.

 **CoranCoranGorgeousMan** : You still there?

 **CoranCoranGorgeousMan** : I haven't scared you off, have it?

 **CoranCoranGorgeousMan** : Ooops, in that case I'm sorry!

"I'd have messaged him quicker if his profile wasn't so damn long. And terrifying."

 **Takashi_Shirogains** : No no! I was just reading your profile!

 **Takashi_Shirogains** : Interesting life!

 **CoranCoranGorgeousMan** : Why thank you! All true, I can assure you!

 **Takashi_Shirogains** : good to know!

 **CoranCoranGorgeousMan** : nice to meet another scientist, may I add!

 **Takashi_Shirogains** : same!

 **Takashi_Shirogains** : nice to meet someone who doesn't want dick pics

 **CoranCoranGorgeousMan** : Now I never said I didn't

 **CoranCoranGorgeousMan** : I'm joking!

 **Takashi_Shirogains** : good to know omg

"He's not joking," Matt insisted.

"Shut up."

 **Takashi_Shirogains** : so what brings you to the sugar bowl?

 **Takashi_Shirogains** : I mean I signed up for a laugh but you seem nice so?

"I had to be honest about that," he explained, "I'm not catfishing this sweet old man!"

It was imminently clear from Matt's face that Shiro had said something dumb as fuck. "Okay, firstly, you've used all your correct information, so it's not catfishing, still, and secondly, maybe he's catfishing you. Also he's on a website in the hopes of basically paying people to date him."

Shiro gave a pout. Although he hated to admit it, Matt had a point.

 **CoranCoranGorgeousMan** : Sugar what?

 **Takashi_Shirogains** : sugar bowl

 **Takashi_Shirogains** : you know, what this whole scene is called, apparently. Idk that's what my roommate said anyway

 **CoranCoranGorgeousMan** : scene?

 **CoranCoranGorgeousMan** : like, online dating? I've never done this before, I have to admit.

Matt snorted. "He's either senile or majorly taking the piss."

Or both, Shiro supposed.

 **Takashi_Shirogains** : …

 **Takashi_Shirogains** : like… sugar daddies and sugar babies? This is what this website is for? it's not my kink but i'm not judging?

 **CoranCoranGorgeousMan** : hold on I need to google some things.

It took a full minute to receive Coran's reply.

 **CoranCoranGorgeousMan** : …

 **CoranCoranGorgeousMan** : ..,

 **CoranCoranGorgeousMan** : my

 **CoranCoranGorgeousMan** : my son said this was a website for successful people

 **CoranCoranGorgeousMan** : I was wondering why no one I matched with seemed to be in the same bracket financially

 **CoranCoranGorgeousMan** : not that I have a problem with that! It just confused me

 **CoranCoranGorgeousMan** : Takashi?

Shiro wanted to reply, but Matt was buried in his chest, laughing with tears streaming down his face. Slav was on the floor, and Shiro wasn't sure he'd ever seen the guy laugh so hard. He himself was certain he'd have a ten-pack by the time he'd stopped laughing.

 **Takashi_Shirogains** : OH MY GOD

 **Takashi_Shirogains** : you poor man!

 **Takashi_Shirogains** : are you oka y?

 **Takashi_Shirogains** : Also call me Shiro everyone else does

 **CoranCoranGorgeousMan** : I'm so embarrassed!

 **CoranCoranGorgeousMan** : I asked my son and he fessed up but he won't stop laughing!

 **CoranCoranGorgeousMan** : This is almost as bad as the time he added gimp masks to my shopping list and I actually asked the guy at tesco if they sold them because I didn't know what a gimp mask was.

 **Takashi_Shirogains** : how in the fu

 **Takashi_Shirogains** : ck

 **Takashi_Shirogains** : holy shit

 **CoranCoranGorgeousMan** : yeah, that sums it up pretty nicely, Shiro

"So… how do you feel about being a stepdad?" asked Slav, "your sugar daddy might not be a sugar daddy but he's at least a dad?"

"Fuck, he has a kid." Shiro blew his tuft of hair out of his face, sinking back into the chair. He honestly didn't know what to make of that information.

 **Takashi_Shirogains** : so you have a son?

 **CoranCoranGorgeousMan** : I have 3 kids

 **Takashi_Shirogains** : holy fuck

 **CoranCoranGorgeousMan** : yaa I didn't want to put it on my profile because it might attract creeps

 **CoranCoranGorgeousMan** : sorry if that puts you off but I should mention my kids will always come first?

 **Takashi_Shirogains** : yeah no I understand! It just came as a little shock but I don't mind!

He wasn't sure he didn't mind, but that would be something he'd have to think about later.

 **Takashi_Shirogains** : how old are they?

 **CoranCoranGorgeousMan** : a little younger than you actually. My oldest just started uni!

"At least you're not gonna be a toyboy who's younger than his own kids," Matt reasoned.

"Never call me that again."

 **Takashi_Shirogains** : so you don't need me to babysit?

 **CoranCoranGorgeousMan** : haha no!

 **CoranCoranGorgeousMan** : oh, you weren't expecting an actual sugar father, were you?

 **CoranCoranGorgeousMan** : sorry to disappoint you

 **CoranCoranGorgeousMan** : although I could try that if you want?

 **Takashi_Shirogains** : no it's fine! Like I said, I signed up for a laugh. Uni life got me broke and all

 **Takashi_Shirogains** : also it's sugar daddy omg

Shiro didn't know what happened, but somehow he ended up talking to Coran throughout the night, eventually passing out on the sofa long after Matt and Slav had dragged themselves to bed. They talked about themselves, their lives and Coran's children, and when Shiro woke up the next afternoon, he felt strangely giddy and lightheaded. He'd signed up ironically; what the hell happened?


	2. Chapter 2

_Hi sorry this is so late! Voltron is actually not my main fandom, so interest comes and goes, so having the energy to write this comes and goes more infrequently than my other fics. This is only going to have one more chapter though (two if I feel like adding a pointless smut chapter). My other excuse is that this chapter is annoyingly long. I decided what goes into each chapter and didn't want to just split this one into two chapters because it would Feel Wrong._

 _Warning for panic attacks at the end._

* * *

To his utter amazement, Shiro found himself messaging Coran often over the next week, even swapping contact details because a WhatsApp notification wasn't strange at all, really. Not compared to trying to discreetly use the mobile version of a sugar daddy website. There was probably some poor IT bastard who had to monitor what everyone was using the uni WiFi for and Shiro just wanted to make their life that bit easier.

He found himself messaging Coran before class, during his lunch breaks, well into the night and even in lectures when he thought he could get away with it. Once, his lecturer, Ulaz, did catch him, and Shiro only just covered Matt's mouth before he blurted out who Shiro was talking to. Though Shiro did eventually find out Matt was just pretending. He'd never actually do something as ghastly as shout out that Shiro had an ironic sugar daddy to the entire lecture hall. Surely.

When he found himself in the library, late at night and stuck on an assignment, he'd see if Coran had left him any new messages. Sometimes he ended up talking about the work with him. He did worry the man would find it tedious, since he'd already done his PHD and post-grad work was probably basic as hell for him, but Coran seemed genuinely interested and wanted to help. Not do the work for him, mind, just point him in the right direction.

Shiro became more and more amazed at how much they had in common, and how well they got along.

Shiro didn't consider himself a particularly silly person, but he still liked to have fun and Coran could be absolutely hilarious… most of the time, actually. Some of the jokes went over his head, because Coran was just so eccentric, and Shiro didn't understand Kiwi humour, but he didn't mind.

What shocked him the most was that there was actual chemistry between them. The age difference still threw him, and it was there in the back of his mind, but it didn't affect him enough to not think about Coran in a playful, potentially romantic sense. They flirted, both jokingly and a little more seriously and, yes, sometimes exchanged shirtless photos.

Oh, and another thing Shiro had not been expecting: Coran was fucking shredded. Not ridiculously over the top, and not as broad as Shiro, but the guy looked after his body, to say the least.

So they were physically and mentally compatible. Fantastic! And to think this has all started as a joke.

Coran's three children consisted of his stepdaughter Allura, and two younger boys he'd adopted some years ago he only referred to as Lance and Hunk. Coran used to give guest lectures at Shiro's university, so Allura was actually a fresher there; maybe he'd even seen her walking about the campus. Even though she was his stepdaughter, he couldn't help but imagine a girl with frizzy ginger hair and a moustache. Yeah, that probably wasn't what she looked like. The two boys were in college, apparently, one learning engineering, the other on a drama course. Shiro wished them the best.

The kids were still relatively detached in his mind. Coran clearly cared about them, more than anyone else in the world, and Shiro could certainly understand that. But right now, he couldn't see himself being a part of their life. Not in the near future, at any rate. Maybe meeting them would be too weird for him.

Honestly, even the concept of going to the same uni as the girl whose dad he was dating was weirding him out.

Coran had mentioned his husband a few times, what he'd been like and his little habits, but nothing about how he died. Shiro knew it wasn't his place to ask, and it might never even be his place to know.

He just hoped this Alfor guy died peacefully.

* * *

"Are you gonna eat that?" asked Matt, jolting him from a daydream.

"Whut?"

Matt responded by stealing one of his nuggets. "Christ, you really got it bad for this guy, huh?"

"No," he mumbled into his turtleneck. Well, he might have, but McDonalds wasn't really the place to discuss it.

"What guy is this anyway?" asked Thace from across the table. "I keep hearing about this new man of yours but no one's telling me anything." He said it with a genuine smile, and Shiro wondered if he should fess up to his drunken sugar dating saga.

Matt and Slav turned to Shiro.

"I met him online," he explained simply.

Thace threw him a knowing look. "Aw, that's really sweet man. What does he study?"

Matt and Slav exchanged unreadable glances.

"He doesn't go to uni."

"Oh?"

"He's… older."

"Oh? Like 30?"

"About forty… five," Shiro all but squeaked the last part.

To his surprise, Thace nodded understandingly. "I get it. You've finally snapped under the workload and pressure and have decided dating a serial killer will help you achieve the sweet release of death."

"Actually, no." Did that really sound like something he'd do? Probably. "I just really like him."

"This guy is probably a serial killer," okay, now Thace was looking at him like he was mad, "you know that, right?"

"He's not!"

"How do you know?"

Shiro scowled. "I just do, okay?"

Thankfully, Thace seemed unwilling to argue further. "Just trying to look out for you. What's his name anyway?"

"Coran?"

"Quaint. Got a picture?"

"Sure." Maybe Shiro should've paid more attention to exactly what he'd pulled up in his gallery, but he felt under enough pressure as it is, Thace's gaze boring into him. He just held out his phone with a huff, and at his friend's low whistle finally realised he'd probably not picked the picture he wanted.

"Oh my," Thace's eyebrows shot up. "Do you have a clothed picture?"

Matt and Slav were up in an instant, scrambling round the table with a scraping of chairs to get a good look. Unfortunately, Shiro wasn't quite fast enough to pull his phone away, and even the granny walking past got an eyeful. She didn't seem to be complaining though.

"Oh damn," Matt gave a whistle, "you didn't tell me he was sculpted!"

Shiro wanted to disappear. He wanted someone to kidnap him or a sinkhole to open up under his chair. For a brief moment, he even wanted Coran to be a serial killer.

"Here's… here's what he looks like with a shirt on," he just said instead, voice and soul cracking.

"Nice moustache," Thace commented, "I can't believe I only just noticed. He probably wants to keep you in a dungeon."

"If being trapped in a dungeon means I never have to look any of you in the eye again, then so be it."

Matt raised an eyebrow. "Kinky."

"Oh, have you met up with him?" asked Thace.

"Not yet, no."

"You know to be safe right?" he asked, "only meet up in a public place. Want me to come along with you just to be safe?"

Shiro smiled. "Well, I'd pick you over these two clowns, but I should be fine with just meeting in public, right?"

"So you want to meet him then?" asked Slav.

"Aww," cooed Matt, "you want to go on a date with him!"

Shiro tried his best to stare Matt down, but the guy just grinned. "Maybe I do. So what? That's normal, right?"

Matt buried him in a hug, rocking him from side to side and 'aww'-ing like an excited highschooler. And stealing another chicken nugget when he thought Shiro wasn't looking.

"Don't worry about a thing, bro," he assured him, "we'll make sure you're ready for this future date."

"Yes, you'll look so good it's certain this man will like you even more!" exclaimed Slav.

Shiro raised an eyebrow. "Slav, you've worn pyjamas to every class for the past three years. I'm really not prepared to take any presentation advice from you." He paused. "I'd love some help though."

* * *

And so, when, two weeks later, Coran asked if they wanted to meet up, Shiro felt somewhat ready to go on his first real date in a year. And just to make sure, he'd actually double-checked with Coran that they were actually dating.

Cutty Sark seemed an appropriate place as any. Shiro only needed to get a (free!) shuttle bus, and for Coran it was a simple train journey. In the shadow of the great ship, he waited. A chilly November wind had set in, but the place was still bustling with tourists and students and he wondered if anyone recognised him.

That would be great, having a classmate see him on a date with an older man.

Or maybe he didn't care.

Fuck it. Coran was a great guy! And Shiro was certain they'd have fun together. He honestly doubted any of his friends from class or rugby would care – they knew he preferred guys and had openly dated men before. No one in Coran's age bracket but that was irrelevant. And if they made jokes about it? Well they'd all be hard-pressed to find one Matt hadn't already made.

And Shiro had a sense of humour. Allegedly.

He had talked to Coran so much, and knew so much about him, he hoped it would be an easy transition from screen to real life. Or it could be awkward. He decided not to think of that possibility. Things would go smoothly. Why wouldn't they?

People were everywhere, but, thankfully, no eyes were on him as he sat on a bench by himself. Not with a massive ship to distract all attention. People took photos of it from the ground, of each other on the deck, or even of the scenery across the Thames. Somewhere the other side of Cutty Sark, someone was playing guitar. None of the food stalls seemed to have been set up that day, so Shiro was stuck waiting in the cold for Coran before he could finally get his fifth coffee of the day.

He chewed at his lip as he waited. Where was Coran? The guy was twenty minutes late. Shiro wondered if he'd missed him. He didn't normally get anxious, but what if Coran was on the other side of the ship? Or waiting outside the pub and couldn't see him? He should get up and look. But what if Coran did the same? What if the two of them kept walking in circles, just missing each other?

Shiro groaned and buried his head in his hands.

"Shiro?"

He glanced up.

There was absolutely no mistaking that moustache, even without Coran's customary smile.

"Coran?"

He was far more handsome in real life. There was just no other way around it: no matter how many photographs they exchanged, it just didn't capture the sparkle in his eyes, the kindness that resonated throughout his entire expression. His shoulders were gentle and his entire posture wracked with nerves, playing with his hands before wrapping them around his back. He chuckled sheepishly.

"Are you okay?" he asked, "something wrong?"

Coran smiled. "Oh nothing! I'm just always late. Bit of a scatterbrain, so I'm told." His grin was slightly apologetic as he checked his phone, then gone in an instant. "Oh. That's late even for me. Fuck I'm so sorry!"

"Hey, it's fine!" said Shiro, "you're here now." He wondered if it was appropriate to go up and hug him, then remembered he'd seen a grainy picture of the guy's dick so should probably just wing it.

Not that it mattered, because Coran was now hugging him!

"It's fantastic to meet you at last," he exclaimed, his moustache ticking Shiro's neck. "It's so weird, liking someone that much and never seeing them."

Shiro smiled warmly as he hugged back – it didn't matter to him who saw – arms wrapped around his back. So, he was just as earnest in real life then. "Yeah, glad you're here now. Really glad."

"So," Coran pulled away, placing an awkward kiss on his cheek, "I was thinking I could take you out to lunch. Um, I wasn't sure what you wanted to do, or if you have – erm – class later, so I didn't really make any plans beyond that."

"Lunch sounds good," Shiro, as an afterthought, gave him an awkward nudge; "don't worry, I'm free all day."

* * *

"So yeah, I picked London for the museums, and my brother Ryou picked Oslo for some reason. So I come back a more intelligent, well-rounded individual, and he comes back with a fake Norwegian accent, insisting we all call him Sven. Still he's finding out a lot about another culture, and I assume the Norwegians are finding him to be quite the annoying bellend."

Coran laughed before taking a sip of champagne, eyes twinkling. The two of them were sat in the nicest restaurant Shiro had ever been in, one that probably didn't have chicken strips on the menu, not even under the name goujons.

"Oh it gets better," Shiro had to laugh too, "my flatmate, Slav, started a conspiracy group with my friend Keith and they were arguing over which edgy cult name they were gonna use. Keith wanted the Blade of Marmora, and Slav thought the Guns of Gamora was cooler."

"I like Blade of Marmora," said Coran with a smile.

Shiro laughed then winced, "so do I, mostly because the other one is what my brother named his runescape party. I've never been so scared, not since I first walked into Matt's dorm to say hi to my new flatmate, saw his collection of anime girl figurines, and walked back out. Anyway, one Christmas, fucking Sven brings home his boyfriend, and my suspicions were confirmed."

Coran giggled. "Slav?"

"Oh yes. They'd been online dating for a year or so. I asked about how they met, and it was on omegle." Coran zipped his hand over his head. Ah, right, forty-five years old. "It's an anonymous chat site, and sometimes there's webcams."

"Oh," Coran's eyebrows shot up.

"Yes, exactly. And they just had to confirm that, yes, they'd shown each other their cocks. Apparently they consider that their first date."

The elderly socialite over on the next table glared at them, Coran just snorted.

"I'm sure my boys have seen worse on the internet," he sighed.

Shiro smiled. "Right, your kids, tell me about them!"

Coran smiled, "sure thing! You'd love them. Allura was my husband's daughter, feisty little thing, she was, but really polite too. Total princess. She was three when Alfor and I met, with this fat braid of hair and a little smile. We adopted the boys a few years into the marriage, thought it was the right thing to do. Well, Hunk's parents were family friends and when they passed there was no way we weren't going to take him in." His eyes gazed past him, far away. "And he settled in fantastically so we decided to have another. When we first met Lance, he toddled right over to us and tried to play-fight me. Lovely kid. They're both wonderful young men now." He jumped slightly. "Oh fucking- oh dear, I was rambling again!"

"No, no, it's fine!" Shiro reached a hand over the table and rested it on Coran's, "I like hearing you talk. Doesn't matter if it's about your kids or butterflies or work, I wanna hear what you have to say." Did he sound clingy? Or silly?

Coran just smiled at him like he was the most beautiful man alive.

Shiro smiled sheepishly and just went back to his pork.

* * *

"I'm a big boy; you didn't have to walk me home," Shiro stroked the top of Coran's arm, "sweet of you though."

In the distance, an alarm went off and sirens wailed. Coran glanced over his shoulder nervously. "It's the gentlemanly thing to do." Well, it was official Coran was the biggest sweetheart in the universe. Shiro had first wondered if giving notes to every homeless person they came across had just been some trick to get him to like Coran more, but the guy did seem to be genuinely generous, and took pride in going out of his way to be nice to people.

"Well I appreciate it," Shiro did. He was a grown man but the neighbourhood scared him at night; he liked having someone to walk home with. But it was the cheapest place in London three students with part-time jobs could get, and even then it was just the top half of the house they lived in. He was pretty sure the ground floor flat was a brothel, but the old lady and her 'daughters' were nice enough. And could bake fantastic weed brownies. "What about you though?"

Coran laughed and raised his fists jokingly. "Oh, any ruffians won't know what hit 'em when I give them the old Quentin's Fist!"

Shiro took a moment to process that Coran had actually referred to knife-wielding teenagers as 'ruffians' and wonder just what 'Quentin's Fist' was. Was it worth asking? He just smiled instead.

"It was really nice meeting you," he said, "I'd, um, I'd like to do it again sometime. You know, if you want."

"I do, I very much do!" He beamed, twirling his moustache meekly. "I- you're very handsome, you know?"

"So are you." Shiro's hand found itself on the top of Coran's arm and he decided to take a risk: kissing his cheek. Again, he'd seen the guy's hairy ginger balls, but it felt weird in real life, like he was paranoid he'd misread every sign and signal somehow. He went for it though, and Coran's face was rough and prickly, and tickled a bit, but it was a face he could soon grow used to kissing.

When he pulled away, he glanced at Coran's eyes, and was trapped. They were pale, almost lilac, and wise. But most of all, they were staring at him hungrily, and before either of them knew it, they were kissing.

It was one step after chaste, and Shiro lingered on his lips, smiling into his moustache. They both seemed to be trying to discreetly feel each other's arm muscles, and he snorted at the realisation.

There was a tapping at the window, and Shiro sprang back to see Matt and Slav waving down from the front window, laughing and giving him the wanker sign. Shiro groaned.

"I'll see you sometime," he told Coran.

"I'm going to see a play next week," he suggested, "a comedy. Would you like to join me for an evening out?"

"Yeah, sounds great! We could go for drinks after;" Shiro decided it was best to ignore the continued banging on the glass. Just like he ignored them every other time they were being wankers.

"Your friends appear to be dry-humping each other," Coran commented.

"Just pretend they're not there; it's what I do. I'd invite you in but things are gonna get a bit bloody, so safe journey and I'll talk to you later, about specifics." He kissed Coran's cheek again to spite his friends, then the guy left.

Shiro watched him go with a smile, then went inside to throttle whoever was slowest out of Matt and Slav.

* * *

Soho at night was a surreal experience. On the one hand, Shiro was slightly tipsy, so everything was slowing down, and slightly magical with all the Christmas lights. On the other hand, he was also slightly scared of the people around him. They all seemed slightly insane.

He was having a fantastic time though, arm in Coran's because, well, it was Soho and at least they weren't blowing each other in an alley. Not that he'd mind, besides the general germs found outside and the possibility of strangers seeing. Not that he was ashamed of Coran, he just wasn't into extreme PDA or getting his cock out in public.

"What the hell was that play?" he said with a laugh.

"'The End of Hope'?"

"You know, when I think of plays, Wilde and Shakespeare come to mind, not a lady dressed as a mouse having sex. Very funny though."

Coran laughed. "Just so you know, I didn't accidentally kill my husband by shoving a marrow down his throat in a roleplay gone wrong."

Shiro would've considered whether or not it was inappropriate to laugh, had he not burst out laughing. Coran didn't seem to mind though. "Good to know! I feel very at ease now. Oh, that place looks like!" He nodded over at a little trendy bar on the corner. It was fairly crowded, but not unbearably so.

Coran considered it. For a little longer than necessary. "Right-o! Onwards we go!" He couldn't tell if the guy was just being weirder when he was drunk, or if something was genuinely wrong and he was just putting on a front, so he just followed Coran into the bar and ordered a pint.

"Are you alright?" he shouted over the noise when they'd sat down. Coran was opposite him, sat at their stupidly tiny table in a worn armchair and glancing around nervously. He jumped at Shiro's voice.

"Quite alright, thanks," he tried to smile, then tried to focus on his lager, which he downed in one go. Shiro was a student, and even he thought that might be a bit extreme. He just sipped his own pint slowly, keeping an eye on him and fidgeting on his stool. The - admittedly tiny - idiot part of his brain wondered if Coran actually killed his husband.

"Is it a bit too noisy?" he asked instead. Coran shook his head.

"Are you lying to me?"

He scowled. "That is none of your business!"

"You seem a little upset," Shiro, reached his hand across the table, but Coran withdrew his own. He got the picture, and didn't try to touch him.

"Oh do I? It's nothing. I'm fine. Don't worry, my dear!" His face shone with sweat, and Shiro could guess why. He knew the signs. "Everything is fine!"

Shiro finished his beer because he'd paid £4.75 for it, then guided Coran out of the bar. However, the cold night air and relative quiet just seemed to make things worse. He was still sweating, leaning heavily on Shiro's shoulder as he struggled to breathe. Shiro rubbed his back gently, leading him off to a quiet corner to calm him down, and settling on the doorway of a closed restaurant. As he pulled Coran into a hug, the man clung to him, trembling and breathing heavily onto his neck.

The two of them stood there in silence, Shiro ignoring the sounds and occasional jeers of passers-by, Coran flinching and jumping at them all. Shiro just whispered words of comfort to him, stroking his hair. It was okay. I'm here for you. Just take all the time you need. It'll be fine. I've got you. You're safe.

Eventually, Coran gave a sniff. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so- so sorry you have- you have to see me like this."

"Shh, shh, it's fine," Shiro gave him a squeeze, "don't be sorry. I- I understand." Oh God he understood. "You have nothing to be ashamed of."

Coran looked at him for the first time; "please- please, Shiro. Take me home."

* * *

 **I thought he could adopt Lance and Hunk in this au, since they're the paladins he's closest to. Besides Shiro, oy. Alright it's not canon but could. you. fucking. imagine.**

 **The End of Hope is a fantastically funny play that I'm guessing no one here has seen because y'all aren't boring, pretentious nerds doing playwriting at uni. But yeah I had to see that one as part of my assignment and it was hilarious, and I got to hang out with my classmates and go for drinks! It probably doesn't sound like a lot, but I struggle to make friends due to being a colossal cunt with no people skills.**

 **I doubt the next chapter will be stupidly long, so, with any luck, not take so long to finish. Please.**

 **Also fun fact: I had my first kiss at Cutty Sark.**

 **Oh, I didn't mention it before, but the title comes from 'Moustache' by Twin twin.**


End file.
